Birth story

I wanted to get my birth story down before it all becomes a haze.  Yes, some of it is already blurry for me.  I swear, this is nature's way of ensuring that we keep propagating the species.  So here's the story of Emma being born!

I went into labor on Sunday, June 30, but I didn't know it.  Randy and I had plans of going to the beach that day.  I woke up in the basement as usual (I slept down there in the recliner due to heartburn).  I had Braxton Hicks, but that was normal.  I usually had them in the morning and then they went away.  I ignored them and Randy and I went about our day.  We got to the beach and I mentioned to Randy that I still had my Braxton Hicks and it was odd that they had not gone away yet.  He raised an eyebrow at me and asked if they were getting more painful?  I said no, and not to worry, I wasn't in labor, it was just Braxton Hicks (hah!).  I was actually in the early stages of labor at this point but I didn't know it.  So we continued hanging out at the beach.  I went out to the deep part of the lake and just let my body float, and noticed the the contractions seemed to go away when I did this.  Randy and I soaked up the sun and had lunch.  Eventually we decided to head home.  I was STILL having mild contractions and thinking they were just Braxton Hicks (denial much?).  When we got home Randy went downstairs to shower and I went out to the back deck to read my book and relax.  The contractions were beginning to hurt a little bit more, so I decided to stand up and walk around and see if that would make them go away.  WHOOSH.  As soon as I stood up my water broke and gushed onto the deck. Yep, just like in the movies!  I stood there in shock for a little bit.  I felt scared and excited at the same time.  I bent down to look at it (I know, gross), to make sure the amniotic fluid was clear.  It was.  It was show time.

I walked in to the house and called downstairs to Randy "Babe, my water just broke".  He came outside to look at it and with a big grin on his face he said this was it and should we call the doctor?  At this time my contractions were starting to become more painful.  Randy made sure I ate and drank, as we knew I would not be allowed to eat once admitted to the hospital.  Then Randy called our doctor.  When he passed the phone to me I said to the doctor, "I'm not sure if this is it".  My doc laughed and said yes, if your water broke, this is it.  She said we could labor at home for a while and go to the hospital when the pain got too bad.  I said okay and hung up, and Randy started timing the contractions.  And that's when I got on the train to Pain Town.  I honestly don't remember everything I said or did during that time.  My pain level escalated very quickly.  There was lots of moaning, cursing, and screaming.  Finally, after an hour and a half at home, I looked at Randy and said let's go.  I needed to get to the hospital and get some meds!  We grabbed our hospital bag, made sure the pets were fed, and drove to North Memorial.

Walking through the parking ramp we had to take a breather as another contraction came and went.  I honestly did not care who saw me and if I looked like a crazy person.  It hurt, A LOT.  We got up to labor and delivery and they got us in to a room to check and see how far along I was.  If they had said I was not dilated enough to admit me and that we had to go back home I think I would have lost it, it was that painful.  But luckily the nurse announced I was at 3 centimeters and they were going to admit me!  Hooray!  BRING ON THE EPIDURAL.

We told the nurse that we wanted an epidural and Randy expressed my fear that it would wear off before it was time to push.  The nurse assured us that that wouldn't happen and that she would call the anesthesiologist.  We just had to wait.  And wait.  The nurse came back in and said that the anesthesiologist was busy with another patient and it would be a little while.  Did I want some fentanyl to tide me over 'till he got there?  Yes, yes please.  She warned me that the fentanyl would only last an hour and then wear off.  I didn't care. I needed something!  Once it kicked in I felt so much better.  I could still feel the contractions but they were manageable and I was able to relax and chat with Randy and the nurses.

Well eventually the fentanyl wore off, and the anesthesiologist was not there yet.  I don't remember how long we had to wait, probably not long but it seemed forever to me.  Finally he came to our room and I remember thinking "please hurry, please hurry".  He had me hang on to Randy's shoulders as he inserted the device and medicine.  During this time I could not move, so of course a contraction hit.  I squeezed Randy's shoulders so hard and breathed through it, reminding myself that the medicine was currently being injected in to my body and it would soon be better.  And soon it was!  We had one complication where the epidural was not working on the left side of my uterus.  But the doc came back and readjusted it and then I was golden.  The nurses turned down the lights and Randy and I attempted to get some rest as we waited for me to fully dilate.

After what I thought was a relatively peaceful night (thanks to the epidural), the nurse came in in the morning to check me and announced I was at 10 centimeters.  She had me lay on my left side to "labor down" for a while and help the baby move down the birth canal.  I told her I was feeling an urge to push.  She said, okay, let's push!  I gave Randy a look of surprise because our doctor wasn't there yet.  The nurse grabbed one leg, Randy grabbed the other and I started pushing.  It did not hurt so much as there was a lot of pressure, and it took a minute for me to figure out how to push.  A little while later our doctor showed up.  At some point she said she could see the head and that there was a full head of hair!  I asked for a mirror to be wheeled in at that point so I could see.  I also told Randy to go down there and look (he didn't want to at first), so he could see her.  And there was her head!  The doctor made me hold off on pushing until I had another contraction (and that hurt, ring of fire, no joke).  Then her head was out and the rest of her little body slid out and she was here!  They put her on my chest and Randy and I kissed her and we both cried.  I pushed for about 45 minutes, which was not too bad.  They whisked Emma away to clean her up and for Randy to cut the cord.  Then they brought her back to me to try nursing, and champion eater that she is, she latched on right away.  Randy and I laughed and kissed and stared at our daughter.

After a while we were moved to a recovery room, where we spent the next 2 days enjoying our little family.

Developments

Hello blog readers!  Well we are slowly ending week 3 and approaching week 4 in Emma Bemma's world.  She has had some new developments:

- she is starting to take shorter naps and be awake and alert more often throughout the day.  This is making mommy go, um, what do I do to entertain you?

- she is starting to sleep for longer stretches at night.  Thank God.  We have switched up the routine a little.  We keep her up with us until 8:00pm now and start bedtime then.  Before that I feed her as much as I can so that she is full.  She's been sleeping 8:45pm - 5:00am, with nighttime feedings.  This is kind of nice because we get to hang out with Randy in the morning for a cup of coffee before he leaves for work.  I'm hoping it will soon get down to 1 or 2 feedings during the night, and then some magical day she will sleep the whole night through!

- She's still sleeping in the rock 'n play in our bedroom.  We are going to try putting her in the crib next week.  I am worried about this, but it has to happen eventually.  And it will probably help me sleep.  Emma is a noisy sleeper when she's in "light sleep", she grunts and wheezes and makes all kinds of noises.  If she's in her own room I won't lay there listening to all the noises, but will still be able to hear her if she needs to eat.  Any tips on transitioning from the rock 'n play in our bedroom, to her crib in her room?  Basically we are just going to bite the bullet and try it next week.  We'll keep her swaddled in her miracle blanket as usual.  I'm hoping it does not go to horribly.  For her naps during the day she either sleeps in her vibrating chair or her car seat (if we have been out).  Should I be swaddling her and putting her in the crib for naps too?

- She does not care for walks in the stroller.  I'm not sure why.  She'll make it a little while and then start crying and freaking out.  I'm hoping she will like being in a baby carrier better, because I really want to start going on longer walks with her!  Whether that is outside or in the mall.  She does okay in  her car seat in the shopping cart at the store, but that is for short periods of time.  I have no idea why being walked in the stroller is so awful.

Emma not excited about our walk today.

- poor thing also has a blocked tear duct in her left eye.  I've been trying to massage it and wipe away the goobers.  We have a doctor's appointment on Monday so I will have them check it out then

As for me?  I am doing good.  Emma and I are a lot more active and confident about getting out of the house and doing stuff.  I still haven't breastfed in public yet.  I am pretty nervous about that.  I am meeting a friend for coffee on Friday and will probably attempt it then.  If Emma's hungry, I gotta feed her!

Randy is also doing well and is busy at work and taking care of us when he gets home.  We love that he gets done with work at 4:00 now, so that we can all hang out together in the afternoon.  And of course we love being together on the weekends.

Recently my in-laws were here with us and they were such a huge help.  My mother in law basically cleaned our whole house and my sister in law did all the laundry.  She also would get up with me in the morning and watch Emma so I could take a 2 hour nap.  Man I miss those naps.  It was great to have family around to help.  

Nearing the 3 week mark

We've almost got 3 weeks under our belt.  Time is going by pretty fast!  Here's the latest:

Pumping

Pumping is not going to great for me.  My best time to pump is in the morning, when Emma goes down for her mid-morning nap.  This is very stressful for a number of reasons:

- this means I can't nap, and if we were up all night the night before I have to choose between pumping or napping

- I never know how long she will stay down for

- she naps in her vibrating chair sometimes, but sometimes it's on me.  If it's on me, then there is no pumping happening

- if all the stars align, she naps in her chair and I'm able to pump, I am not producing much

- I can't relax because I'm constantly worried about when she will wake up and that I'm not making enough milk

So far I've pumped about 3 ounces.  In 3 days.  So I have decided to supplement with formula, when needed.  I'm not banging myself up about it.  I will continue to breastfeed and pump if/when I can.  However we will use formula for some feedings that Randy takes over.

Sleeping

I have no idea what's going on with her sleeping.  Every night is a toss up of how it will go.  Her "norm" right now seems to be to sleep in 2 hour blocks.  If I can get a night where she wakes up every 2 hours to feed, then goes back down, and then we take an afternoon nap together the next day, I am golden.  I feel like I can do anything.  If I get a night where she wakes up every hour or 45 minutes, or just decides to be up at 3:00am, I am wrecked the next day.  This is another reason I really want Randy to take over some over the feedings, so that I can catch a couple hours sleep on Saturday and Sundays.  I keep reading online that babies are supposed to start sleeping for 3 - 4 hour blocks at 3 to 4 weeks, but this hasn't happened yet.  Strangely I am getting used to the sleep deprivation and just accepting it for what it is.  

Boredom

The boredom is getting a lot better.  We try to make a point of having a visitor or some sort of outing every day.  This past week has been really tough because Randy had to work late almost every night.  We love having him home with us in the afternoons, sitting out on the back deck, chatting about our days.  But with him working late and 90+ degree weather that didn't happen.  Luckily I had family members come over and I went to see friends, so that helped.  And Randy will be home with us all weekend, and we have family coming in to town.  We are looking forward to having daddy around and having family to talk to.

Motherhood

I think it took me a little while to really bond with Emma.  I was so overwhelmed at first and so tired, plus I had the baby blues and anxiety.  But now that I've gotten "used" to things, I look at her and my heart melts.  Randy and I made this little peanut and it's our job to take care of her.  Sure sometimes I break down crying in bed at 4:00am when she won't go back to sleep.  But then, as Randy kindly reminds me, she is tiny and precious and this is what she needs right now.  Her mom and her dad, sleep, food, and diaper changes.  And that's okay.  Because when she nuzzles into my neck and immediately quiets down when I hold her, I know, I am her mom and she is mine and the 3 of us are a family.

2 week checkup

Emma is 2 weeks old today! We had our 2 week check up at the doctor's office today. Emma is doing great! She has gained weight and is up to 7.76 pounds. So that means breastfeeding is going well and she is gaining weight like she's supposed to. I was glad to hear it, 'cause this kid is constantly on the boob! She is also 21.5 inches long (she was 21 inches at birth). And her head circumference has gone from 13.5 to 14.

Emma at the doctor's with some spitup. She was stressed.

I'm still struggling with boredom and a little bit of anxiety, but it gets better by the day. I try to keep myself busy and have an activity planned for almost every day. I've also scheduled visits with friends or have visitors coming over. If I get desperate enough I will just go to Target and walk around! (haven't done this yet, but I totally would).
This morning I tried pumping for the first time. I would really like Randy and other people to take over some of the feedings. Plus I need to start storing my milk. I did not get much milk, but that is common the first time I guess. If anyone has any pumping suggestions please leave a comment (you can comment as Anonymous and tell me who you are in the comment if you don't have a Google account). I am using the Medela freestyle pump.

Sleeping is going okay, I don't want to jinx it. When she has a growth spurt she is up every hour on the hour to feed at night. When she's not going through a growth spurt she seems to sleep for 3 or 2 hours. She still takes a mid morning nap and an afternoon nap. Like I said before, it's hard for me to sleep when she's sleeping. The mid morning nap is my only time to take a shower and get some stuff done (including pumping). The afternoon nap is more difficult, as she likes to be on me and won't nap anywhere else. So sometimes I'll sleep and sometimes not. I almost always go down with her at 7:00pm at night and just hope it's a good night. This is another reason we are so glad Randy changed his hours at work, so that we can all spend some time together in the afternoon before we go down for the night. Sometimes I really miss my husband!

My sister in law, niece, nephew, and mother in law are coming to visit this weekend. I am so excited to have people in the house and with me all day! Granted there won't be a whole lot I can do with them, as Emma and I just nurse all day long. But it will be so nice to have company and family to talk to. Also someone to hold the baby so I can take a shower or go for a walk! One thing I really enjoy is just getting out of the house to go for a walk or to sit on the back deck. But this 90 degree weather does not make that possible. I HATE being cooped up in the house all day.

Currently Emma is sleeping in her vibrating chair, but that is only because I am rocking it with my hand and she is right next to me. I'm going to take this opportunity to try to wolf down some food (we miss not having Daddy here to feed us), and then this afternoon we will watch tv on the laptop and wait for Dad to get home from work. Auntie Kristin is coming over for dinner tonight (it's her birthday!) so we are looking forward to that. Keep your fingers crossed that we have another good night at bedtime!

2 week newborn boot camp

Well we've almost made it a full two weeks with Emma. What a ride it has been! Here's a recap of the past 2 weeks:

After we came home from the hospital I got hit with the baby blues and anxiety. I didn't think it would happen to me, but surprise! It did. I can't even talk about it too much because I get the heebie jeebies just thinking about it again. Luckily, it was just my hormones and my body seems to have regulated itself. I still get a little anxious in the afternoon, but it gets better day by day.

Randy was home from work the first week, which was wonderful. He took (and is still taking) such awesome care of us. He makes all the meals, cleans, does the laundry, does the dishes, runs all the errands. He is my rock and I love him so much. He is back at work now, but has changed his schedule to 7:00 - 4:00. We love having daddy home with us in the afternoon.

What about me? I spend my days on the couch, with Emma on the boob. Seriously this kid never stops eating. Here's a typical day for us:
Wake up any where from 6:00am - 7:15am
Nurse on the couch for 2 - 3 hours
Have a mid morning nap after nursing. While she is napping this is my time to take a shower, eat, do some stuff around the house.
Nurse after she wakes up from mid morning nap
Have visitors over, or do some sort of activity
Lunch time (for me)
More nursing
Afternoon nap. I will try to nap at this time if I can, but she seems to always want to be on me, so it can be hard.
Nurse after she wakes up from afternoon nap.
Sit out on the deck and wait for daddy to get home!
Hand her over to dad, try to get out of the house for a walk
Chat with Randy about our days, have dinner
Get ready for bedtime around 6:00 or 7:00
Asleep by 8:00, if we are lucky

Emma's sleeping has been stressing me out lately. She will not sleep in her pack 'n play or the crib, so we have her in the bedroom with us in her rock 'n play. She started off sleeping anywhere from 2 - 4 hour blocks at night. One night she slept from 8:00pm - 12:45am, woke up for a change and feeding, and then slept again 'till 4:45am. Changed and fed and went back down for a couple more hours. If I could have this same schedule every night I would feel so much better! Unfortunately lately she's only been sleeping for an hour, or an hour and a half at a time at night. Which makes for a very tired Megan. I try to nap when she naps during the afternoon. It's hard though, because she always wants to nap on me, or just be held. She won't nap in her rock and play, won't nap in her vibrating chair, or in the bed with me. But if I hold her in the boppy on my lap, she'll nap for a good 2 hours. Super frustrating. I'm hoping with time this will go away. I don't mind getting up with her in the night, but I need longer stretches of time in which she sleeps.

What else? I've been struggling with boredom a lot lately. I get really lonely with no one to talk to all day. It's hard to do things because Emma is constantly nursing. Having visitors really helps. I also text my friends a lot and hang out on the internet. I'm going to try to visit some of my girlfriends that are stay at home moms. Also trying to find a new mom's group to join. This motherhood thing is hard. It's not all a bed of roses. I'm used to staying busy, but with a breastfeeding newborn, I feel tethered to the couch all day. And then I dread the nighttime, because I worry if she's going to be up every hour or sleep longer. Randy is very supportive and I talk about my feelings with him a lot. I just take it day by day, and know that it will get better with time as she gets a little older.

I realize this first post just sounds like a lot of complaining, but I needed an outlet to express what I was feeling. There will be happy posts to, I promise! Obviously I love my daughter and she is such a good baby. I'm just getting used to this motherhood thing, as I said, day by day.