After we came home from the hospital I got hit with the baby blues and anxiety. I didn't think it would happen to me, but surprise! It did. I can't even talk about it too much because I get the heebie jeebies just thinking about it again. Luckily, it was just my hormones and my body seems to have regulated itself. I still get a little anxious in the afternoon, but it gets better day by day.
Randy was home from work the first week, which was wonderful. He took (and is still taking) such awesome care of us. He makes all the meals, cleans, does the laundry, does the dishes, runs all the errands. He is my rock and I love him so much. He is back at work now, but has changed his schedule to 7:00 - 4:00. We love having daddy home with us in the afternoon.
What about me? I spend my days on the couch, with Emma on the boob. Seriously this kid never stops eating. Here's a typical day for us:
Wake up any where from 6:00am - 7:15am
Nurse on the couch for 2 - 3 hours
Have a mid morning nap after nursing. While she is napping this is my time to take a shower, eat, do some stuff around the house.
Nurse after she wakes up from mid morning nap
Have visitors over, or do some sort of activity
Lunch time (for me)
More nursing
Afternoon nap. I will try to nap at this time if I can, but she seems to always want to be on me, so it can be hard.
Nurse after she wakes up from afternoon nap.
Sit out on the deck and wait for daddy to get home!
Hand her over to dad, try to get out of the house for a walk
Chat with Randy about our days, have dinner
Get ready for bedtime around 6:00 or 7:00
Asleep by 8:00, if we are lucky
Emma's sleeping has been stressing me out lately. She will not sleep in her pack 'n play or the crib, so we have her in the bedroom with us in her rock 'n play. She started off sleeping anywhere from 2 - 4 hour blocks at night. One night she slept from 8:00pm - 12:45am, woke up for a change and feeding, and then slept again 'till 4:45am. Changed and fed and went back down for a couple more hours. If I could have this same schedule every night I would feel so much better! Unfortunately lately she's only been sleeping for an hour, or an hour and a half at a time at night. Which makes for a very tired Megan. I try to nap when she naps during the afternoon. It's hard though, because she always wants to nap on me, or just be held. She won't nap in her rock and play, won't nap in her vibrating chair, or in the bed with me. But if I hold her in the boppy on my lap, she'll nap for a good 2 hours. Super frustrating. I'm hoping with time this will go away. I don't mind getting up with her in the night, but I need longer stretches of time in which she sleeps.
What else? I've been struggling with boredom a lot lately. I get really lonely with no one to talk to all day. It's hard to do things because Emma is constantly nursing. Having visitors really helps. I also text my friends a lot and hang out on the internet. I'm going to try to visit some of my girlfriends that are stay at home moms. Also trying to find a new mom's group to join. This motherhood thing is hard. It's not all a bed of roses. I'm used to staying busy, but with a breastfeeding newborn, I feel tethered to the couch all day. And then I dread the nighttime, because I worry if she's going to be up every hour or sleep longer. Randy is very supportive and I talk about my feelings with him a lot. I just take it day by day, and know that it will get better with time as she gets a little older.
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