Nearing the 3 week mark

We've almost got 3 weeks under our belt.  Time is going by pretty fast!  Here's the latest:

Pumping

Pumping is not going to great for me.  My best time to pump is in the morning, when Emma goes down for her mid-morning nap.  This is very stressful for a number of reasons:

- this means I can't nap, and if we were up all night the night before I have to choose between pumping or napping

- I never know how long she will stay down for

- she naps in her vibrating chair sometimes, but sometimes it's on me.  If it's on me, then there is no pumping happening

- if all the stars align, she naps in her chair and I'm able to pump, I am not producing much

- I can't relax because I'm constantly worried about when she will wake up and that I'm not making enough milk

So far I've pumped about 3 ounces.  In 3 days.  So I have decided to supplement with formula, when needed.  I'm not banging myself up about it.  I will continue to breastfeed and pump if/when I can.  However we will use formula for some feedings that Randy takes over.

Sleeping

I have no idea what's going on with her sleeping.  Every night is a toss up of how it will go.  Her "norm" right now seems to be to sleep in 2 hour blocks.  If I can get a night where she wakes up every 2 hours to feed, then goes back down, and then we take an afternoon nap together the next day, I am golden.  I feel like I can do anything.  If I get a night where she wakes up every hour or 45 minutes, or just decides to be up at 3:00am, I am wrecked the next day.  This is another reason I really want Randy to take over some over the feedings, so that I can catch a couple hours sleep on Saturday and Sundays.  I keep reading online that babies are supposed to start sleeping for 3 - 4 hour blocks at 3 to 4 weeks, but this hasn't happened yet.  Strangely I am getting used to the sleep deprivation and just accepting it for what it is.  

Boredom

The boredom is getting a lot better.  We try to make a point of having a visitor or some sort of outing every day.  This past week has been really tough because Randy had to work late almost every night.  We love having him home with us in the afternoons, sitting out on the back deck, chatting about our days.  But with him working late and 90+ degree weather that didn't happen.  Luckily I had family members come over and I went to see friends, so that helped.  And Randy will be home with us all weekend, and we have family coming in to town.  We are looking forward to having daddy around and having family to talk to.

Motherhood

I think it took me a little while to really bond with Emma.  I was so overwhelmed at first and so tired, plus I had the baby blues and anxiety.  But now that I've gotten "used" to things, I look at her and my heart melts.  Randy and I made this little peanut and it's our job to take care of her.  Sure sometimes I break down crying in bed at 4:00am when she won't go back to sleep.  But then, as Randy kindly reminds me, she is tiny and precious and this is what she needs right now.  Her mom and her dad, sleep, food, and diaper changes.  And that's okay.  Because when she nuzzles into my neck and immediately quiets down when I hold her, I know, I am her mom and she is mine and the 3 of us are a family.