Sleep progress

I apologize to any readers I have left, I have kind of abandoned this blog haven't I?  School got really hard and busy.  My only time to get schoolwork done is in the early morning after Emma's first feeding, when (and if) she naps, or if her Dad takes over for a while.  So all free time was devoted to getting stuff done for school.  But now I am nearing the end of the semester; hallelujah! I am looking forward to a nice long break before spring semester starts.  

I titled this blog post "Sleep progress" because I am refusing to label it as a "sleep regression". You see, Em has stopped sleeping through the night.  All of you that have children are nodding knowingly right now.  My awesome little sleeper who would go down between 8:30 and 9:00pm every night and sleep all the way through 'till 6:00 or 7:00am the next morning is gone.  She now wakes up 2 times a night for feedings.  And they are long feedings.  Like half hour or longer feedings.  So of course I spent an exorbitantly large amount of time talking about it with my mama friends and Googling it incessantly.  I spent a lot of time complaining that my "good" sleeper was gone.  I spent some time crying in her nursery at 5:00am because I was just so tired.  But I'm done with all of that (well, probably not with the crying).  Because I know that Emma is not a good or bad sleeper, she's a baby that is developing at a crazy ridiculous rate right now.  And that it won't be this way forever.  And that the reason she is waking up is because she is hungry and needs food to continue to develop.  This all started a few days after her 4 month birthday (November 1).  Since then she has hit all of these developmental milestones:

• rolling over
• blowing raspberries
• sitting up
• grabbing her toys
• shaking her head back and forth
• "screeching" and talking
• popping off the nipple because she is distracted by the world around her
• recognizing mom and dad, our voices, when we leave the room, when we come back in the room
• eating a few solids

So yeah.  That is A LOT of stuff for a wee babe in a matter of 3 weeks.  Of course she is waking up at night to eat.  I am glad that I am not working right now, because I don't know how I would be able to function at a job all day and then take care of her at night.  It's hard enough with grad school.  

One advantage of all these developments is that she is taking naps like a champ.  She takes a 30 minute morning nap and then a 2-3 hour mega nap in the afternoon.  I know this won't last and will change over time.  I am enjoying it while I can.  Currently she is napping in her car seat on the kitchen table.  

So we soldier on.  If I get a good night's sleep I feel like super mom the next day.  I get an amazing amount done and sometimes even throw in a workout**.  If it's a crap night of sleep everything is horrible and awful the next day, I can't concentrate on anything and I just want to lay in front of the tv.  Today is one of those days.  But then Emma's whole face lights up when she sees me and she gives me the biggest grin and my heart bursts and all is right with the world.

"this too shall pass"

**I took Emma to childcare at the gym again and it went ok!  I think she might be getting a little better around other people.

4 months old

   Today Emma is 4 months old!  I can't believe it.  It seems like it was just yesterday that I was crying over only sleeping 2 hours at a time and being tethered to the couch all day breastfeeding.  Now my little girl is sleeping through the night, rolling over, and just wants to play, play, play.  Sometimes I look at her and wonder who she is going to be.  I fall in love with her more and more every day.  And then there are the days when she won't stop screaming so I start screaming right along with her, or when her dad comes home and I hand her over and announce "I NEED A BREAK", or when she won't take a nap and I can't get any school work done, or when I try to leave her in childcare for 30 minutes so I can workout and attempt to lose this frigging baby weight and she cries the whole time.  Yep, it's not all sunshine and unicorns.  It's parenthood.  It's a roller coaster.  In addition to parenthood I still have this amazing husband that I love so much, and we never hang out just the two of us any more.  And then we talk about Emma all the time.  For couples that have more than one kid I don't know how you do it.  I'm looking forward to hitting up some relatives for babysitting soon so that I can go out on a date with my husband.  We agreed that we aren't allowed to talk about Emma the entire time on the date.  So....we'll probably just be sitting there in silence. Hah!

   Let's be honest, you're reading this blog post because you want to hear about Emma.  Okay!  Here's what's new with her:

• she is working really hard at rolling over.  She can roll from her tummy to her back.  She can roll from her back to her side, but hasn't managed to roll all the way yet.  If I lay her down on the floor she immediately starts to roll though, so I have to keep my eye on her at all times.  It's really cute how hard she tries to roll to her tummy, she gets so frustrated when it doesn't work.  I'm sure she'll figure it out in the next few weeks
• she is also getting better and better at sitting up.  She is still pretty wobbly and topples over, but we work at it every day.
• she LOVES looking at other babies, she screeches at them so excitedly
• I think she is starting to learn object permanence and who "mommy" is.  Twice now she has reached out for me.  I came home early from class the other night and she was so happy to see me!  
• she loves hanging out with her Dad and they have the best time together while I'm at school
• she is sucking her thumb!  great for self-soothing
• she reaches out and grabs toys now
• her giggles and laughs are the best sound in the world

   Unfortunately Emma is still having some major separation anxiety when she's not with me or her Dad.  If anyone else attempts to hold her she cries.  This includes her aunt, Nana, grandpa, people at childcare, anyone.  It's very frustrating.  Not sure what to do but just keep working at it and hopefully she will grow out of it.

   As for me I am very busy with school right now as we are approaching the end of the semester.  It's getting harder to get school work done, with Emma being so mobile now and wanting to play.  Randy is great about helping out so I can get some work done.  I just keep telling myself, I just need to pass so I can graduate. Before I know it it will be May, I will be done with school, looking for a job, and Em will be going to daycare.  Need to enjoy this time while it lasts....

3 Months Old!

Emma is 3 months old today!  Look at those chunky thighs.  As of today she weighs 12 pounds!! Here's what's new with her:

Sleep
She is still sleeping through the night, and takes a morning and afternoon nap every day.  However, she is still sleeping at night in her rock 'n play and napping out in the living room in her vibrating chair during the day. We are also still swaddling her in the Miracle Blanket at night.  The clocks ticking though, 'cause she is going to outgrow the rock 'n play soon and 6 months is the longest we can swaddle.  I am scared.  However, I have a plan!  I plan on purchasing Baby Merlin's Magic Sleepsuit when we have to transition to the crib.  I plan on waiting as long as possible.  And I'm going to do the transition on a weekend (in case we're up all night) and just do it cold turkey.  Stay tuned.  (hopefully we can avoid it for another 2 months).

Developments
I swear Emma does something new almost every day.  She is really into her hands now and will stare at them and shove her fists into her mouth.  She likes to look at them while opening and closing them.  She's starting to reach out and grab things too, including my hair.  She can roll over on to her side, but hasn't really figured out how to roll back.  Tummy time is not her favorite, but I make her do it a little bit every day.  She has gotten so strong, we have to be really careful when she's in the boppy now because she kicks out her legs and arches backwards.  One of our favorite games to play is "wrestling", where I put her on my chest and she climbs up me.  She is talking a lot, and we always make sure to talk back with her.  Also there is lots of laughing!  One of the best things is that she recognizes us and our voices when we come in to the room now.  She gets SO excited when Randy comes home from work; it's adorable.

Feeding
Emma is taking a bottle like a champ!  She sucks them down now no problem.  She even took a bottle from her Bapa and her Nana.  Of course she always prefers the boob, but now I know she won't go hungry when I'm not around.

School and taking care of Emma is keeping me busy; the weeks are flying by.  We treasure our time with Randy on the weekends.  We are also looking forward to spending Sunday afternoons this fall with Nana, Grandpa, and Auntie K.  Before I know it the semester will be over!

11 1/2 weeks

Little Em is 11 1/2 weeks old!  Here's what's new with her:

• She's over 11 pounds now, getting close to 12
• Her head and neck control is phenomenal.  When I hold her on my shoulder she always holds her head up and looks around.  She can also go into full "cobra" pose while doing tummy time on her mat.
• She has started drooling a lot and now loves to suck and gum things, including her pacifier.  Perhaps she's an early teether?
• Emma is taking the bottle like a champ!  She sucks them down now.  I don't know how it happened, I think something just clicked for her.  Maybe because she's older?  I think it really helped that we gave her a bottle every day so that she got used to it.  She won't drink breastmilk out of the bottle, only formula.  She's a real boob snob.
• She's been "talking" a lot with us and we always talk back.  Working on language skills! In addition to "talking" she loves to laugh.  
• Randy is doing a great job of taking care of her while I'm at school.  It was rough at first but has got much better.  Last night when Randy came home from work she was so happy to see him!  They are having lots of daddy daughter moments together.

In typical Megan fashion, I've got her signed up for a bunch of classes.  On Wednesdays we go to our Beyond Newborn class at Amma, Thursdays is our ECFE class, and Friday is baby storytime at the library and lunch with Daddy afterwards.  Emma really enjoys all of it; she wants to see everything and be out doing stuff.  I truly think she gets bored at home with me all day!  Plus it's hard to be a one man entertainment center all the time.

Personally I've been busy with school and trying to be an active stay at home mom.  I miss the structure of work, but getting to be with Emma every day is a blessing.  If I had kept working I would be going back this week and she would be in daycare.  I would miss so much!  I really am grateful to have this year to spend with her and watch her grow.

We've got family coming up in a couple of weeks for the Hawkeye Gopher game.  It's going to be great!  Can't wait to see everyone.  I already bought a Halloween costume for the Ems, even though she won't be trick or treating.  And in November we are headed down to Iowa for Thanksgiving.  Looking forward to spending time with family then too.  Christmas of course will be all about Emma this year.  We will be in town as we want Emma to have her first Christmas in her own house.  Looking forward to a busy and fun Fall.

2 months old

Emma is 2 months old!  I know I say this often, but time is really going by so fast.  Here's what's new with her:

- she is talking a LOT. We don't know what she is saying but we always engage in conversation with her.  This helps her language skills down the road
- she loves to play.  It's so fun for Randy and I to interact with her.  When we play with her she smiles and laughs.
- she is still sleeping well at night. She goes to bed around 9:00pm, wakes up at 4:00am for a feeding, and then goes back to sleep until 6:30am.
- she is so strong!  She can roll on to her side, hold her head up, and support her weight on her chubby little legs.  One of our favorite games is for me to hold her under her armpits whiles she stands on my stomach.

We took Emma up to the cabin for the first time over Labor Day weekend.  This was also our first time traveling with her.  She did great!  She slept the whole way in the car, only waking up when we stopped for gas and groceries.   I changed her and nursed her when we stopped, and she would be out again as soon as we got back on the road.  She loved being at the cabin, looking at all the trees and feeling the breeze on her skin.  I was worried about nighttime but she slept fairly well.  We only had one bad night, and I think that happened because she was over stimulated and did not have enough quiet time before bed.  It was great to spend time with family and relax at the cabin.  However it was also really nice to be back at home and in our routine.

This week school starts for me.  I will be in class on Wednesday night and Saturday morning.  Randy will be taking care of Emma while I'm in class.  I have been pumping in preparation for this, so he will have at least one full bottle of breastmilk to give her.  If she eats all of that then we supplement with formula.  I just keep telling myself she's not going to starve and she will be okay even if she's crying.  Randy is amazing and I know that he will get into his own routine with her.  I'll be sure to report back to update you all on how it's going!

Checking in

It's been a while since I posted!  What can I say, we got busy.  Hurray!

Emma will be 2 months old on Sunday.  I can hardly believe it.  Time is flying by.  Here's what's new with her:

• She is still sleeping really well at night.  She has dropped one of her nightly feedings, so she is down to just one feeding during the night, usually between 4:00am and 5:00am.  I can usually get her back down after that to sleep for another couple of hours. I think our bedtime routine is working really well.  She seems to understand the "it's time to sleep" cues; with the dark room, swaddling, and white noise.  She calms right down after I swaddle her tightly in the Miracle Blanket.  She is still going down between 9:00pm and 9:30pm.  
• She has developed a new skill - sucking on her hands!  This made her fussy for a couple of days (developing new skills does that to them).  But it's cute to watch her go to town on her hand.  Calms her down.  She will also suck on her arm, or my hand as well.
• She is SO BIG.  Over 10 pounds now.  She has chunked up and has cute chubby cheeks and thighs. She is out of her newborn clothes and in the 0 - 3 month size now.
• She is getting good at independent play.  By that I mean I can set her down for a bit in her chair, the boppy, or on her activity mat and she will babble and entertain herself for a while.  Gives me a chance to get something done!
• She is taking the bottle a little bit better.  Depends on the day and her mood.  I just keep telling myself she's not going to starve and when I'm not around she will take it eventually.
• We went to a local lake for the first time (see picture below).  She had a good time except she did NOT like the water.  In her defense it was freezing.

We are headed to the cabin this weekend and I am NERVOUS.  I am worried she will not react well to being away from home and her routine, and will be up all night.  We are going to try to maintain the routine as much as possible at the cabin.  This is mainly the bedtime routine that I'm referring to - quiet time before bed, dim lights and soft talking, then white noise where she's sleeping, no lights, swaddling, and then rocking and nursing to sleep. Hopefully it goes okay!  I keep telling myself if it's horrible and I'm not getting any sleep we can just pack up and come home early.  But I'm tentatively optimistic that it will be fine.

After we get back from the cabin I start school.  I'll be in class on Wednesday nights and every other Saturday.  Randy is in charge while I'm gone!  I know it will be tough at first but in time she will adjust to being alone with him and taking the bottle for food.  I worry about Randy 'cause I know he's in for some long crying periods with her.  But every day I try to leave Emma alone with him for short amounts of time so they can both get used to it.  It breaks my heart to see both her and Randy upset, but I just keep telling myself to give it time.

Personally I'm excited to start class and develop some kind of life outside of being home with baby all the time.  In addition to actually being in class I'll be very busy with homework.  2 graduate classes = a LOT of reading, online discussions, papers, presentations, and a final exam.   Emma is also signed up for an ECFE (Early Childhood Family Education) class once a week, and baby storytime at the library once a week.  We are a busy little family!

A day in the life

I've been wanting to do a "Day in the life" post for a while now.  I love reading them on other mom blogs.  So here is ours!  A day in the life of Emma at 6/7 weeks old:

12:00am  Emma wakes up for a feeding.  This is very unusual, as she just went to bed at 9:00pm.  She has been down to just one feeding a night.  However we had our new mama class that afternoon, which she slept through most of, and then she slept a lot when we got home.  So she was not as tired at bedtime as she usually is.  I sigh, get out of bed and go into her room to feed her.  She's back down by 12:30am.


3:45am  Emma wakes up for another feeding.  This is more typical of her nightly feeding time (it's usually between 2:00am and 3:00am).  She is really tired, so she sucks down some milk quickly and then falls right back asleep. I gratefully crawl back into bed.

6:30am  Emma is up!  And she slept 'till 6:30!  She is usually up at 6:00am on the dot.  However we asked Daddy to be a little quieter in the mornings when he gets up for work, to see if she would sleep longer.  Seems to have worked?  Who knows.  She is still sleeping in her rock 'n play, and I put the shirt I have been wearing that day in with her so she has my scent. We also swaddle her at night in the Miracle Blanket.

Diaper change after we wake up.  Randy usually does this with her in the morning.  They have a cute dad/daughter bonding session and he usually gets some smiles.

6:40am - 8:00am  Nursing time!  Emma is a champion eater.  We have a marathon nursing session in the morning.  I get set up on the couch, with my cup of coffee, phone, boppy, burp cloth, and blanket.  She chows down while I sip my coffee and check email/Facebook/Twitter.  Randy usually sits with us for a bit drinking coffee too, before he has to get ready for work.

She takes a break from feeding to play/look around a bit.

She is done feeding for now and will happily entertain herself for a little bit.  So I put her in her vibrating chair while I go make breakfast.  She coos and kicks and looks around at stuff.  I make a smoothie and we wish Daddy a good day at work.  I down my smoothie and open my laptop to get some more stuff done online while she is still happy in her chair.

8:30am  Emma starts demanding to be picked up from her chair.  She is making her "annoyed" cries/sounds.  I scoop her up and see that she has had her morning explosion!  Time for another diaper change.  After that she is back on the boob for another feeding and I am on my laptop one-handed.   I am also really hoping she'll go down for her morning nap soon so I can take a shower.

9:45am  Emma has fallen asleep while nursing but then wakes up.  This is unusual too, as she will normally go down for a 45 minute to 1 hour nap in the morning.  I am considering just putting her in her chair so I can shower.  We've got things to do!

10:00am  I put her in her chair, turn it on vibrate, tuck a blanket around her, and hope for the best.  I jump in the shower.  I contemplate shaving my legs, but I suspect that Emma is not sleeping and therefore I do not have time for this luxury.

10:15am  Thwarted!  I come back out to the living room after showering and getting dressed (yes, in 15 minutes) and Emma is not sleeping.  Again, this is unusual.  Oh well, guess we're having an off day.  I know that she will sleep in the car when we finally leave the house to run our errand.

10:15am - 11:00am  I throw her back on the boob.  She's eating a lot today, maybe it's another growth spurt?  After she's finished eating again, I change her out of her "pajamas" (which is just the onesie she wore to bed last night) and into fresh clothes.  We get packed up and ready to go run our errand for the day.

11:00am - 12:00pm  We are at Walmart.  Gross, I know.  But there is a new Walmart Super Center in Brooklyn Center off of 100N that is 5 minutes from our house, and I saw online while doing a Google search that they had some cute, cheap nursing tank tops.  Once we enter the Walmart I realize I made a mistake.  It's disorganized and I can't find the tank tops anywhere.  I get the rest of the stuff on my list and we head home.  I could have stayed out later with her but there is stuff I want to get done at home.  She sleeps the whole time.  I realize once I get back home that the nursing tanks are only available online and not in the store.  Dumb.

12:00 - 1:30pm  We are back at home and she is starting to wake up in her car seat.  I quickly heat up and wolf down some leftovers from dinner last night, as I am starving.  She fully wakes up while I am trying to eat, so I put her on one shoulder and eat with the other hand.  I pretty much only eat things that I can eat with one hand these days.  She's fussing so we sit on the couch and she nurses some more, then plays on the boppy while I do some more stuff online while talking to her/making silly noises and playing with her feet. Multi tasking is key.

1:30 - 3:00pm  I strap her in to the Baby K'tan so I can get some stuff done around the house.  I quickly fold and put away the laundry in the dryer, put in a new load, do the dishes in the sink, write a thank you card, and make and eat a peanut butter sandwich with a glass of milk (yes, hungry again).  I also put Maggie out on her tether so she can pee.  While I'm doing all these things I talk to Emma and describe what I'm doing and let her feet touch some things.  This lasts for an hour before she starts to fuss and root around.  I am convinced she is having a growth spurt.  I take her out of the K'tan and we sit back on the couch to have some quiet nursing after all that stimulation.  She then spits up most of what she ate.  Awesome.  I still want to go for a walk at some point today, play with her on her activity mat and do tummy time, and sit out on the back deck with her while I read my book and she looks at the trees.  She also needs to take an afternoon nap at some point.  Also I get a text from Randy and he is very busy at work and may be home late.  This makes us sad because Randy coming home from work is our favorite part of the day!  But of course we understand he needs to work.

3:15 - 4:15pm  She's sleepy.  I put her in her chair to nap and head downstairs to clean the cat box room.  When I'm done cleaning it she is awake again.  Le sigh.  Oh, she has pooped!  That is probably why she woke up.  I change her, and then we go in to my bedroom so I can change as I'm now covered in cat litter dust.  She happily lies on our bed and stares out the window.  I make faces at her and get her to laugh and smile.  Then we head back out to the living room where she stares entranced at the black lamp for a while.  She is really starting to notice shapes lately.  Randy texts again that he's not sure when he'll be home.  Normally at this time we would head out to the back deck, Emma would nurse and I would read a book/check my phone while we wait for Randy to get home.  Then we would all hang out together, catch up on our days, go for a family walk, make and eat dinner, and then watch some tv together.  But since he'll be late I decide to nurse Emma again for a little and then take her and Mags for a walk on my own.

4:30pm  We are off for our walk.  I've got 3 choices for carrying her - the Baby K'tan, the Ergo, or the stroller.  The K'tan is not good for long walks, and I already tossed it down in the basement to wash it.  She likes the stroller now, since I put her in it without the car seat and turn on her fan.  But since I've got Maggie with me I decide to use the Ergo so both my hands are free.  She loves it, looks around for awhile, and then dozes off.

5:00pm  We are back from our walk.  We head out to the back deck to nurse and relax.  I am pretty exhausted by this point in the day and am thinking to myself, only 4 hours 'till bedtime!  Randy is still stuck at work.  So I feed the pets and make dinner for myself (mac & cheese).  I put Emma in her bouncy chair on the kitchen table so I can bounce her while I eat.  We clean up, I grab my phone, and we head downstairs to watch some tv.  Emma will cluster feed at this time, meaning she will nurse until she passes out for bed.  I relax on the couch and watch tv.

7:30pm  Randy is finally home!  Poor guy had a rough day at work.  We chill on the couch and he gives Emma a bottle.  We are all tired but Emma is showing no sign of being ready for bed.

9:15pm  Emma finally passes out.  Randy holds her while I get "bedtime" set up.  I turn off/dim most of the lights upstairs.  I turn off the light in her room and turn the nightlight on, her box fan, and put my stinky shirt in her rock 'n play.  Then I go back downstairs to take her from Randy.  We whisper goodnight.  I take Emma into her room and shut the door.  We have a diaper change, put her in a comfy onesie, and then swaddle her in the miracle blanket.  There is no talking or interaction while this happens.  Then we sit in the rocker and nurse and rock her for a bit.  I put her down in her rock 'n play, turn off the night light, and tip toe out.

9:45pm  Good night!


So this was not a "typical" day for us, because Emma woke up for two feedings, didn't really go down for her naps, and Randy was home late.  But you get the gist!  Last night Emma was back on track.  She woke up at 4:00am for a feeding and slept 'till 6:50am.  I'll take it!  It's 8:30am and she is currently taking her morning nap while I finish this blog post.

Other news:
I have bought the 30 Day Shred, in the hopes of getting back in to shape.  I love Jillian Michaels and have done the Shred before and know that it works for me.  However I have yet to start it.  Not sure when I will find the time??
I have also submitted my resignation to my job.  For those that don't know, we have decided that I am going to stay home with Emma for the first year.  We crunched the numbers and it made more sense financially for me to stay home with her, rather than have my entire paycheck go towards daycare.  I will be staying in school and finishing my master's degree however.  I am taking 2 classes this fall, and 2 in the spring.  I will graduate in May.  I am growing concerned about when I am going to find the time to do my homework.  2 graduate level classes = a lot of work.  I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.  I will probably rely on Randy to take over for chunks of time so I can get some school work done.

Thanks for reading and feel free to leave comments!

1 month

Emma is one month old!

 What is this thing on my head?

Remove it at once!

Ah, much better.

I can't believe how fast time is going by.  We have had lots of new developments lately:

- she is sleeping much better at night.  Suddenly when we hit the 4 week mark something changed.  She seemed to figure out her days from nights.  She takes much shorter naps in the day (typically a late morning nap, an afternoon nap, and an early evening nap) each lasting about an hour or less.  At night she goes down by 9:00pm, sleeps 'till about 1:30am, wakes up for a feeding, goes back down until around 4.  I can usually feed her at that time and get her to go back down until at least 6:00am.  This makes for a somewhat well-rested and happy mom!  As she gains weight and her stomach gets bigger she should sleep for longer stretches at night.  And some magical day I will put her down at 9 and she won't wake up until 6:00am!  :)

- she is SO much more alert and active during the day.  She smiles and laughs with us, and interacts when we play with her.  We play with her toys every day.  We also try to go for a walk every day in her Ergo carrier.  She loves looking at things, out the window, at faces, basically taking everything in.  Every day she changes a little bit more!  She's also rocking at tummy time.  She lifts her head and turns it to the other side.

- the transition to her room went really well.  She is sleeping fine in there, and I sleep much better not having her in our bedroom.  She is still sleeping in her rock 'n play.  I have purchased a wedge to elevate the crib, to see if that makes her like it better.  But I've decided to not stress about her not sleeping in the crib.  We'll keep working on it, and hopefully when she is 3 or 4 months she will start sleeping in there.

- Randy took some Fridays in August off, so he can be home with us more.  We love having daddy home!  We are looking forward to a fun month of spending time together as a family.

Birth story

I wanted to get my birth story down before it all becomes a haze.  Yes, some of it is already blurry for me.  I swear, this is nature's way of ensuring that we keep propagating the species.  So here's the story of Emma being born!

I went into labor on Sunday, June 30, but I didn't know it.  Randy and I had plans of going to the beach that day.  I woke up in the basement as usual (I slept down there in the recliner due to heartburn).  I had Braxton Hicks, but that was normal.  I usually had them in the morning and then they went away.  I ignored them and Randy and I went about our day.  We got to the beach and I mentioned to Randy that I still had my Braxton Hicks and it was odd that they had not gone away yet.  He raised an eyebrow at me and asked if they were getting more painful?  I said no, and not to worry, I wasn't in labor, it was just Braxton Hicks (hah!).  I was actually in the early stages of labor at this point but I didn't know it.  So we continued hanging out at the beach.  I went out to the deep part of the lake and just let my body float, and noticed the the contractions seemed to go away when I did this.  Randy and I soaked up the sun and had lunch.  Eventually we decided to head home.  I was STILL having mild contractions and thinking they were just Braxton Hicks (denial much?).  When we got home Randy went downstairs to shower and I went out to the back deck to read my book and relax.  The contractions were beginning to hurt a little bit more, so I decided to stand up and walk around and see if that would make them go away.  WHOOSH.  As soon as I stood up my water broke and gushed onto the deck. Yep, just like in the movies!  I stood there in shock for a little bit.  I felt scared and excited at the same time.  I bent down to look at it (I know, gross), to make sure the amniotic fluid was clear.  It was.  It was show time.

I walked in to the house and called downstairs to Randy "Babe, my water just broke".  He came outside to look at it and with a big grin on his face he said this was it and should we call the doctor?  At this time my contractions were starting to become more painful.  Randy made sure I ate and drank, as we knew I would not be allowed to eat once admitted to the hospital.  Then Randy called our doctor.  When he passed the phone to me I said to the doctor, "I'm not sure if this is it".  My doc laughed and said yes, if your water broke, this is it.  She said we could labor at home for a while and go to the hospital when the pain got too bad.  I said okay and hung up, and Randy started timing the contractions.  And that's when I got on the train to Pain Town.  I honestly don't remember everything I said or did during that time.  My pain level escalated very quickly.  There was lots of moaning, cursing, and screaming.  Finally, after an hour and a half at home, I looked at Randy and said let's go.  I needed to get to the hospital and get some meds!  We grabbed our hospital bag, made sure the pets were fed, and drove to North Memorial.

Walking through the parking ramp we had to take a breather as another contraction came and went.  I honestly did not care who saw me and if I looked like a crazy person.  It hurt, A LOT.  We got up to labor and delivery and they got us in to a room to check and see how far along I was.  If they had said I was not dilated enough to admit me and that we had to go back home I think I would have lost it, it was that painful.  But luckily the nurse announced I was at 3 centimeters and they were going to admit me!  Hooray!  BRING ON THE EPIDURAL.

We told the nurse that we wanted an epidural and Randy expressed my fear that it would wear off before it was time to push.  The nurse assured us that that wouldn't happen and that she would call the anesthesiologist.  We just had to wait.  And wait.  The nurse came back in and said that the anesthesiologist was busy with another patient and it would be a little while.  Did I want some fentanyl to tide me over 'till he got there?  Yes, yes please.  She warned me that the fentanyl would only last an hour and then wear off.  I didn't care. I needed something!  Once it kicked in I felt so much better.  I could still feel the contractions but they were manageable and I was able to relax and chat with Randy and the nurses.

Well eventually the fentanyl wore off, and the anesthesiologist was not there yet.  I don't remember how long we had to wait, probably not long but it seemed forever to me.  Finally he came to our room and I remember thinking "please hurry, please hurry".  He had me hang on to Randy's shoulders as he inserted the device and medicine.  During this time I could not move, so of course a contraction hit.  I squeezed Randy's shoulders so hard and breathed through it, reminding myself that the medicine was currently being injected in to my body and it would soon be better.  And soon it was!  We had one complication where the epidural was not working on the left side of my uterus.  But the doc came back and readjusted it and then I was golden.  The nurses turned down the lights and Randy and I attempted to get some rest as we waited for me to fully dilate.

After what I thought was a relatively peaceful night (thanks to the epidural), the nurse came in in the morning to check me and announced I was at 10 centimeters.  She had me lay on my left side to "labor down" for a while and help the baby move down the birth canal.  I told her I was feeling an urge to push.  She said, okay, let's push!  I gave Randy a look of surprise because our doctor wasn't there yet.  The nurse grabbed one leg, Randy grabbed the other and I started pushing.  It did not hurt so much as there was a lot of pressure, and it took a minute for me to figure out how to push.  A little while later our doctor showed up.  At some point she said she could see the head and that there was a full head of hair!  I asked for a mirror to be wheeled in at that point so I could see.  I also told Randy to go down there and look (he didn't want to at first), so he could see her.  And there was her head!  The doctor made me hold off on pushing until I had another contraction (and that hurt, ring of fire, no joke).  Then her head was out and the rest of her little body slid out and she was here!  They put her on my chest and Randy and I kissed her and we both cried.  I pushed for about 45 minutes, which was not too bad.  They whisked Emma away to clean her up and for Randy to cut the cord.  Then they brought her back to me to try nursing, and champion eater that she is, she latched on right away.  Randy and I laughed and kissed and stared at our daughter.

After a while we were moved to a recovery room, where we spent the next 2 days enjoying our little family.

Developments

Hello blog readers!  Well we are slowly ending week 3 and approaching week 4 in Emma Bemma's world.  She has had some new developments:

- she is starting to take shorter naps and be awake and alert more often throughout the day.  This is making mommy go, um, what do I do to entertain you?

- she is starting to sleep for longer stretches at night.  Thank God.  We have switched up the routine a little.  We keep her up with us until 8:00pm now and start bedtime then.  Before that I feed her as much as I can so that she is full.  She's been sleeping 8:45pm - 5:00am, with nighttime feedings.  This is kind of nice because we get to hang out with Randy in the morning for a cup of coffee before he leaves for work.  I'm hoping it will soon get down to 1 or 2 feedings during the night, and then some magical day she will sleep the whole night through!

- She's still sleeping in the rock 'n play in our bedroom.  We are going to try putting her in the crib next week.  I am worried about this, but it has to happen eventually.  And it will probably help me sleep.  Emma is a noisy sleeper when she's in "light sleep", she grunts and wheezes and makes all kinds of noises.  If she's in her own room I won't lay there listening to all the noises, but will still be able to hear her if she needs to eat.  Any tips on transitioning from the rock 'n play in our bedroom, to her crib in her room?  Basically we are just going to bite the bullet and try it next week.  We'll keep her swaddled in her miracle blanket as usual.  I'm hoping it does not go to horribly.  For her naps during the day she either sleeps in her vibrating chair or her car seat (if we have been out).  Should I be swaddling her and putting her in the crib for naps too?

- She does not care for walks in the stroller.  I'm not sure why.  She'll make it a little while and then start crying and freaking out.  I'm hoping she will like being in a baby carrier better, because I really want to start going on longer walks with her!  Whether that is outside or in the mall.  She does okay in  her car seat in the shopping cart at the store, but that is for short periods of time.  I have no idea why being walked in the stroller is so awful.

Emma not excited about our walk today.

- poor thing also has a blocked tear duct in her left eye.  I've been trying to massage it and wipe away the goobers.  We have a doctor's appointment on Monday so I will have them check it out then

As for me?  I am doing good.  Emma and I are a lot more active and confident about getting out of the house and doing stuff.  I still haven't breastfed in public yet.  I am pretty nervous about that.  I am meeting a friend for coffee on Friday and will probably attempt it then.  If Emma's hungry, I gotta feed her!

Randy is also doing well and is busy at work and taking care of us when he gets home.  We love that he gets done with work at 4:00 now, so that we can all hang out together in the afternoon.  And of course we love being together on the weekends.

Recently my in-laws were here with us and they were such a huge help.  My mother in law basically cleaned our whole house and my sister in law did all the laundry.  She also would get up with me in the morning and watch Emma so I could take a 2 hour nap.  Man I miss those naps.  It was great to have family around to help.  

Nearing the 3 week mark

We've almost got 3 weeks under our belt.  Time is going by pretty fast!  Here's the latest:

Pumping

Pumping is not going to great for me.  My best time to pump is in the morning, when Emma goes down for her mid-morning nap.  This is very stressful for a number of reasons:

- this means I can't nap, and if we were up all night the night before I have to choose between pumping or napping

- I never know how long she will stay down for

- she naps in her vibrating chair sometimes, but sometimes it's on me.  If it's on me, then there is no pumping happening

- if all the stars align, she naps in her chair and I'm able to pump, I am not producing much

- I can't relax because I'm constantly worried about when she will wake up and that I'm not making enough milk

So far I've pumped about 3 ounces.  In 3 days.  So I have decided to supplement with formula, when needed.  I'm not banging myself up about it.  I will continue to breastfeed and pump if/when I can.  However we will use formula for some feedings that Randy takes over.

Sleeping

I have no idea what's going on with her sleeping.  Every night is a toss up of how it will go.  Her "norm" right now seems to be to sleep in 2 hour blocks.  If I can get a night where she wakes up every 2 hours to feed, then goes back down, and then we take an afternoon nap together the next day, I am golden.  I feel like I can do anything.  If I get a night where she wakes up every hour or 45 minutes, or just decides to be up at 3:00am, I am wrecked the next day.  This is another reason I really want Randy to take over some over the feedings, so that I can catch a couple hours sleep on Saturday and Sundays.  I keep reading online that babies are supposed to start sleeping for 3 - 4 hour blocks at 3 to 4 weeks, but this hasn't happened yet.  Strangely I am getting used to the sleep deprivation and just accepting it for what it is.  

Boredom

The boredom is getting a lot better.  We try to make a point of having a visitor or some sort of outing every day.  This past week has been really tough because Randy had to work late almost every night.  We love having him home with us in the afternoons, sitting out on the back deck, chatting about our days.  But with him working late and 90+ degree weather that didn't happen.  Luckily I had family members come over and I went to see friends, so that helped.  And Randy will be home with us all weekend, and we have family coming in to town.  We are looking forward to having daddy around and having family to talk to.

Motherhood

I think it took me a little while to really bond with Emma.  I was so overwhelmed at first and so tired, plus I had the baby blues and anxiety.  But now that I've gotten "used" to things, I look at her and my heart melts.  Randy and I made this little peanut and it's our job to take care of her.  Sure sometimes I break down crying in bed at 4:00am when she won't go back to sleep.  But then, as Randy kindly reminds me, she is tiny and precious and this is what she needs right now.  Her mom and her dad, sleep, food, and diaper changes.  And that's okay.  Because when she nuzzles into my neck and immediately quiets down when I hold her, I know, I am her mom and she is mine and the 3 of us are a family.

2 week checkup

Emma is 2 weeks old today! We had our 2 week check up at the doctor's office today. Emma is doing great! She has gained weight and is up to 7.76 pounds. So that means breastfeeding is going well and she is gaining weight like she's supposed to. I was glad to hear it, 'cause this kid is constantly on the boob! She is also 21.5 inches long (she was 21 inches at birth). And her head circumference has gone from 13.5 to 14.

Emma at the doctor's with some spitup. She was stressed.

I'm still struggling with boredom and a little bit of anxiety, but it gets better by the day. I try to keep myself busy and have an activity planned for almost every day. I've also scheduled visits with friends or have visitors coming over. If I get desperate enough I will just go to Target and walk around! (haven't done this yet, but I totally would).
This morning I tried pumping for the first time. I would really like Randy and other people to take over some of the feedings. Plus I need to start storing my milk. I did not get much milk, but that is common the first time I guess. If anyone has any pumping suggestions please leave a comment (you can comment as Anonymous and tell me who you are in the comment if you don't have a Google account). I am using the Medela freestyle pump.

Sleeping is going okay, I don't want to jinx it. When she has a growth spurt she is up every hour on the hour to feed at night. When she's not going through a growth spurt she seems to sleep for 3 or 2 hours. She still takes a mid morning nap and an afternoon nap. Like I said before, it's hard for me to sleep when she's sleeping. The mid morning nap is my only time to take a shower and get some stuff done (including pumping). The afternoon nap is more difficult, as she likes to be on me and won't nap anywhere else. So sometimes I'll sleep and sometimes not. I almost always go down with her at 7:00pm at night and just hope it's a good night. This is another reason we are so glad Randy changed his hours at work, so that we can all spend some time together in the afternoon before we go down for the night. Sometimes I really miss my husband!

My sister in law, niece, nephew, and mother in law are coming to visit this weekend. I am so excited to have people in the house and with me all day! Granted there won't be a whole lot I can do with them, as Emma and I just nurse all day long. But it will be so nice to have company and family to talk to. Also someone to hold the baby so I can take a shower or go for a walk! One thing I really enjoy is just getting out of the house to go for a walk or to sit on the back deck. But this 90 degree weather does not make that possible. I HATE being cooped up in the house all day.

Currently Emma is sleeping in her vibrating chair, but that is only because I am rocking it with my hand and she is right next to me. I'm going to take this opportunity to try to wolf down some food (we miss not having Daddy here to feed us), and then this afternoon we will watch tv on the laptop and wait for Dad to get home from work. Auntie Kristin is coming over for dinner tonight (it's her birthday!) so we are looking forward to that. Keep your fingers crossed that we have another good night at bedtime!

2 week newborn boot camp

Well we've almost made it a full two weeks with Emma. What a ride it has been! Here's a recap of the past 2 weeks:

After we came home from the hospital I got hit with the baby blues and anxiety. I didn't think it would happen to me, but surprise! It did. I can't even talk about it too much because I get the heebie jeebies just thinking about it again. Luckily, it was just my hormones and my body seems to have regulated itself. I still get a little anxious in the afternoon, but it gets better day by day.

Randy was home from work the first week, which was wonderful. He took (and is still taking) such awesome care of us. He makes all the meals, cleans, does the laundry, does the dishes, runs all the errands. He is my rock and I love him so much. He is back at work now, but has changed his schedule to 7:00 - 4:00. We love having daddy home with us in the afternoon.

What about me? I spend my days on the couch, with Emma on the boob. Seriously this kid never stops eating. Here's a typical day for us:
Wake up any where from 6:00am - 7:15am
Nurse on the couch for 2 - 3 hours
Have a mid morning nap after nursing. While she is napping this is my time to take a shower, eat, do some stuff around the house.
Nurse after she wakes up from mid morning nap
Have visitors over, or do some sort of activity
Lunch time (for me)
More nursing
Afternoon nap. I will try to nap at this time if I can, but she seems to always want to be on me, so it can be hard.
Nurse after she wakes up from afternoon nap.
Sit out on the deck and wait for daddy to get home!
Hand her over to dad, try to get out of the house for a walk
Chat with Randy about our days, have dinner
Get ready for bedtime around 6:00 or 7:00
Asleep by 8:00, if we are lucky

Emma's sleeping has been stressing me out lately. She will not sleep in her pack 'n play or the crib, so we have her in the bedroom with us in her rock 'n play. She started off sleeping anywhere from 2 - 4 hour blocks at night. One night she slept from 8:00pm - 12:45am, woke up for a change and feeding, and then slept again 'till 4:45am. Changed and fed and went back down for a couple more hours. If I could have this same schedule every night I would feel so much better! Unfortunately lately she's only been sleeping for an hour, or an hour and a half at a time at night. Which makes for a very tired Megan. I try to nap when she naps during the afternoon. It's hard though, because she always wants to nap on me, or just be held. She won't nap in her rock and play, won't nap in her vibrating chair, or in the bed with me. But if I hold her in the boppy on my lap, she'll nap for a good 2 hours. Super frustrating. I'm hoping with time this will go away. I don't mind getting up with her in the night, but I need longer stretches of time in which she sleeps.

What else? I've been struggling with boredom a lot lately. I get really lonely with no one to talk to all day. It's hard to do things because Emma is constantly nursing. Having visitors really helps. I also text my friends a lot and hang out on the internet. I'm going to try to visit some of my girlfriends that are stay at home moms. Also trying to find a new mom's group to join. This motherhood thing is hard. It's not all a bed of roses. I'm used to staying busy, but with a breastfeeding newborn, I feel tethered to the couch all day. And then I dread the nighttime, because I worry if she's going to be up every hour or sleep longer. Randy is very supportive and I talk about my feelings with him a lot. I just take it day by day, and know that it will get better with time as she gets a little older.

I realize this first post just sounds like a lot of complaining, but I needed an outlet to express what I was feeling. There will be happy posts to, I promise! Obviously I love my daughter and she is such a good baby. I'm just getting used to this motherhood thing, as I said, day by day.